this was not what she usually said
by kristy87
Summary: There's a difference between routine and life...and tonight routine is not the case. ONE chapter piece. GSR


Disclaimer: I own nothing.

AN: this story is a result of my brain when it works under strong painkillers...be warned...it might be a little confusing.

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**this was not what she usually said**

Could he even count the times he had stared at her? How often had he leaned against the doorframe, silently watching her while she was doing her work. Hoping she wouldn't notice it. There was something that was drawing him to her from the first moment on.

He had never told her how he felt.

He had never shown her how he felt.

He had been there in the moments she had been really desperate…but he knew that these had not been all the moments he should have been there for her.

He knew it all.

He knew what he had done wrong.

He just didn't know how to make it right.

He could have lost her. Forever. And she would have never known what she meant to him.

_This is something I have to change._

If he would know how, he would. He told himself everyday that this would be the day he would ask her to talk with him in privacy….then he would ask her for a dinner…but he never did. It was the lack of courage that kept him back.

Each night, at the end of the shift, he sat in his office, doing paperwork. Each night she knocked on the doorframe, a smile on her lips, sometimes it was brighter than the other day…and he always wondered why she was smiling. Was she smiling for him or was she smiling because something better waited for her at home?

She deserved something better than him…probably this thought kept him away from telling her what he felt.

Each night at the end of the shift she wished him a good night. And each night at the end of the shift he missed his chance to ask her to stay a few minutes longer…so that he could talk to her…with her.

She was not that kind of woman whose trust was easily won. But she had told him her most kept secret…something probably no-one else outside of her family really knew. She trusted him. And he did not know why. He would not trust himself. Especially not after all what he had done to her.

There were times when he just couldn't stand it to see her. She reminded him of all the things that he had done wrong in his life…all the wrong decisions…all the wrong words. All the lies.

He tried to stay away from her…well knowing that this did even hurt her more. And because of this he liked himself even less…and because he liked himself less he kept pulling away from her.

Until one thing had happened.

There had been a lot of things that should have opened his eyes before…things that had involved her.

She had been attacked…she had almost lost her job…her alcohol problems…and also the fact that she kept spending more and more time with Greg, someone who talked openly about his crush for her.

But all those things had always only shown himself that he needed her…but that had been something he had known before.

It had been when Nick had been kidnapped…

It could have been her.

And if it would have been her, he wouldn't have been able to survive a single second.

He wouldn't have cared what the other's thought…he wouldn't have cared for anything else but for the woman he loved.

And the explosion...

In the moment the bomb exploded…she had been all he could think of. Would she cry? Would she cry for the man who had been the reason for her tears in the past? And what would she do when he was gone? Would she think of him? Would she simply move on?

"Grissom?"

Her voice ripped him out of his thoughts.

"Are you okay?", she asked softly.

"Sure.", he cleared his throat.

"It's just that…you were staring at me since…ten minutes…without moving the tiniest muscle…were you in trance or something like this?"

"Just lost in thoughts."

She nodded.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"Shift is almost over."

"I know…I will finish this and then I will leave."

He nodded. "I'll be in my office…doing paperwork."

"You're not going home?"

_I have no reason to go home._

He did not answer her…and she did not wait for an answer. She probably knew all too well that he was not the kind of person that answered those questions in the way she wanted them to be answered.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

He saw her walking through the hallway…he hoped it wasn't that obvious to her that he was observing almost every step she made on her way to his office. She knocked on the doorframe, like she always did. She smiled brightly, brighter than last night…brighter than in all the nights before.

"I am going to visit Nickin the hospital…and I wanted to get some breakfast before that…would you like to join me?"

This was not what she usually said. He wondered if he should be grateful for this. She offered him another chance…a chance he did not deserve.

This time he would not turn her down.

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**THE END**

Okay...a little confusing was an understatement :lol:

sorry: )

I hope you do not think that reading this was a total waste of time.

thank you for reading : )


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